Al-fatehah untuk Cikgu Teh

Cikgu Teh, Teachers Day, May, 2009. Kiulu, Sabah.

Dear fellow Killerbatch,

His arms reaching out as if to plead. His eyes intent and voice raising as he looks into the eyes of the children. The faces of hope, of possibilities and potential. Lives that could be moulded. Never retreat. Keep on pushing. Keep doing God’s good work. Teachers Day in May, 2009 was the day that he soared the highest. I saw the purest, the most sincere.

Those of us in Kiulu were lucky to see Cikgu Teh’s innermost and most true self in May, 2009, the day that he asked to give and impromptu talk to the children of Kiulu. I was sitting next to him watching the children’s performance when he turned to me and asked me to arrange that he speak to the gathered children. He said he saw our faces 30 years ago in those children now. I complied. They too complied and what a great day it was.

He made that request as he felt that he could contribute something when he sees the faces of those children, as all children are his students.

Over the last few days I have been re-reading Arwah Cikgu Teh’s writings on this website, his e-mails and his photos on facebook. Everytime, without fail, I would shed my tears.

Let me go back to the start.

The Chemistry Between Us

In 2009 I was waiting for my takeaway at Kuey Teow Doli in Taiping. Killerbatch was planning for our trip for the groundbreaking of Asrama Donni. I was worried that Sabah Credit Corporation would not take us seriously as firstly, we are not a registered legitimate body and secondly and more importantly, the name Killerbatch is not at all convincing. To give us some credibility, I thought of inviting Cikgu Teh to the groundbreaking ceremony. The thinking was, SCC would believe and trust in Killerbatch to handle the RM280,000 fundraising and associate themselves with us if we bring along a character witness.

I spoke to Megat and Nan and both, though quite apprehensive, agreed to the idea. So I called Cikgu Teh and asked if he could help us and accompany us to Kiulu in Sabah. He was not sure how he could contribute but did not hesitate and said OK immediately.

All of us did not expect how he would embrace the project and gave us so much. That was the beginning of my special relationship with the greatest teacher that ever was.

Reacquainted

Going further back to 2003, to the start of me being reacquainted with Cikgu Teh since after I left Kulim. We were organizing Reunion 2004 and he was our main conduit to the school.

Cikgu Teh came to KL one night and he has asked to meet up with me. I gathered a few Killerbatch and we had dinner with him at Royal Selangor Club.

I picked him up at Hotel DePalma. I was quite apprehensive as I did not quite know how to react with your teacher. Even when you are pushing 40, you still feel like you are back in secondary school when you converse with your master.

He did not remember me from school but soon we got on fine. As I drove him, I relayed to him the thing that I remembered the most about him from Kulim days.

• It was when the school finally allowed us to wear jeans and he said that when you wear your jeans you either wash it everyday or you don’t wash them at all – Lesson : how to look cool in jeans.

• Cikgu Teh spoke about rock music. I remember him posturing like a guitarist and said those people when they shout it’s be cause they are just expressing themselves. - Lesson : its ok to shout.

The dinner went fine. It was at the Chinese restaurant in Selangor Club and as the boys were being very boisterous we were getting unpleasant stares from the other tables. We decided to adjourn to another place where we were allowed to be loud.

From thereon, I was comfortable with him as I find that he is easy to talk with and could blend in with us, even when the situation is a bit uncomfortable.

You guys are doing alright

Another occasion that we spent quality time was when Killerbatch had what can be described as a mass-midlife crisis in 2006. We went up Frasers Hill for an outing and we invited Cikgu Teh and Cikgu Azman to be there as well.

We asked him to speak after dinner about what he saw when he crossed 40 and what lies beyond and how we should prepare ourselves to the new challenges in life.

He drove all the way to Frasers Hill to be with us and I really appreciate him taking the time and effort to talk to us when he knew we needed some talking to.

I left Frasers Hill feeling comforted after hearing Cikgu Teh’s talk. He talked about health, about family and he reassured us that from what he saw, he thinks that we are doing fine and everything will be alright.

A small town teacher has done great things.

Goodbye Cikgu Teh

Going back to the time in May, 2009 in Kiulu, I would never forget the way he was holding back his tears as we were watching the videos presented by the kids on their hardship there and the speeches about their life and of course, the story of Donni John Duin.

For my speech, I really struggled to speak and had to pause a few times to keep my emotions in check. I cut short the speech since I was choking up and could not speak anymore. As I was walking back to my seat in the front row next to Cikgu Teh, he suddenly stood up and hugged me in front of all those Kiulu folks.

I was stunned for a while as I didn’t expect the hug and hugged him back and patted his back. That was the pinnacle of my special relationship with Cikgu Teh. I don’t know if I ever will be back to Kiulu and perhaps never will but that was a special place and special moment we had in Kiulu, in Cikgu Teh’s embrace, albeit for only a few seconds.

I heard the news around 1.50 pm on 1 June, 2011. Even though it was expected, but when I hear the confirmation of his passing, my tears flowed and I started to cry. I did not expect the tears to roll since I was expecting the news at anytime. I thought to myself, “why am I crying? It’s not as if I don’t know this is coming”. That was the moment that I realized that I love Cikgu Teh. I think I recognized the feeling. It was the feeling of losing a loved one. That was what I felt.

I would like to share with you his last lesson to me jus a few weeks ago. His final sms to me was after I came back from Mount Kinabalu trip in April, 2011. I have lost the sms but it said something like “I have been admitted to hospital. You continue doing God’s good work”.

Oh God, please give me the strength to continue doing Cikgu Teh’s work as I have lost my beacon.

Who now would pat my back if only for trying?
Who now can I go to when I am unsure?
Who now would encourage another far-fetched idea and run with it alongside me?
And who now would show me how deep is his deep blue sea?

When we were organizing our 2004 reunion, I mentioned to all of you to come back and visit our school since it will be the last meaningful reunion there as slowly the school that we knew is fading away. A building would remain a building but our school is a different thing. To me, on 1 June 2011 at 1.30pm, MRSM Kulim is no more.

Cikgu Teh was my teacher till the end. Rest in peace Cikgu, as you have taught us well.

God bless Cikgu Teh and watch over his soul. What a great life he had.